Today!!!!! What happened? I was there and still don’t know. My last post was about the foggy brain so first and foremost…sorry it has been a while. I had to fast and detox.

So back to today. I was booted from a facebook group because I did not fall into consensuses of the group, according to the admins. I had a few people agree with my comments so um it boiled down to the admins not liking me. But wait what could this group be about, “[ommited] (because I am not a fool) together” yep a group focused on people coming together, a “pro black” group. I only commented on three post and made one post of my own. My comments were as neutral as i could be. apparently neutral is not cool in that group. I was called a coon, i was told i worked for white people and because my ex-husband was white and I was chastising members for their seemingly blatant black supremacist statements i was not welcome. i was told i never chastised white people for their injustices. I remind you I only commented on three posts. i just started looking at posts on like Tuesday.

I want to start a dear black people series. I can’t believe it all started because i said i love all respectful men and women. I cant believe in 2017 with the black lives matter movement a group like that is seriously on some 1950s segregation, do not mix schtick. i am not worthy to be pro black because my kids are white and i take a neutral stance on certain topics?  that can’t be right? you know what i am going to do it and then i am going to do be everything centered.

I have been stressed about my non-profit. So many great things have fallen into place. I found myself overwhelmed. I through myself into a downward spiral of unhealthy eating. The comfort food has given me foggy brain. I have lost all focus and motivation. I watched a video about how so called healthy foods like granola bars are secretly unhealthy. I now know first hand there is truth to it.

I was talking to my ex husband, seeing as he has moved in on the weekends, about how I have been putting to practice the nutritional facts I found in the books entitled DEEP NUTRITION, THE PLANT PARADOX, AND EAT RIGHT FOR YOUR BLOOD TYPE SERIES to include The genotype diet. I have noticed the different first hand and strongly feel I need to make some serious changes which goes back to the purpose of my non-profit in the first place. To educate people about their food.

As a society we have become so disconnected from our food. I want to see the movie about where our beef comes from or Temple Grandin.

Foggy brain I forgot what I was saying or where I was going. I need a water fast ASAP.

So I proclaim here and now. Blessed Earth Community Development will be manifest. I am ready. I have been blessed to come in contact with some extraordinary opportunities. I was invited to the sustainable cleveland summit, the truth commission, and a meeting of the educational cohort. I networked with a number of people willing and able to propel my efforts of self-sufficiency and sustainability education. 

I went shopping in the library the other day for international literature. I found the motherload of Latin curriculum. I am so sorry I was so excited I almost forgot about my blogging again. But yeah for the icon on my main screen of my phone.

It is too easy to just post to Facebook and get likes and immediate feedback. Here I don’t get comments but this is like my diary that I am willing to share with anyone searching for other like minds. I was looking for a like mind, a long time ago, I found her on YouTube. A quiet homeschooling mother that posted videos regularly until she posted the right title that got the perfect hit.

I have talked about following the international Baccalaureate philosophy. I had philosophy and a more complete world view. I want to teach phonics and language through history and politics with philosophy, of all things. I want to hand my children a book and have it be a decoding adventure. Keeping their minds stimulated with questions of culture and purpose. What is the origin of that word, why was it spelled that way, and so on. That is how I was taught and why I have a love of reading. I learned latin in middle school and it changed my view about reading. It made it easier to understand all types of new books. My most accomplished reading, since I didn’t learn to comprehend what I was reading until after my first and last trip to summer school before the fifth grade, was the triumph of Pythagoras theories in tenth grade and “chromosome6 in the ninth grade. Latin came in handy big time. Chromosome6 had a plethora of new vocabulary I decoded without a dictionary. I want that for my children. I want them to read works of literature in their original language to discover for themselves how language, in context and original tone changes so drastically through time.

“Your son is gay” . When did a word that meant happy 100 years ago become a derogatory term? I politely confirm their ignorance by saying my son is very happy and will not be made ashamed for his jubilation. My son can be too gregarious at times, but he is eight. Sexual orientation should not be an issue until puberty Thinking back now, I was always the dad when playing house with my friends, I was never girly and hated wearing dresses, my voice was not high or shrill, I was a girl that preferred to logically analyze and explore through doing. I have an engineer’s mind. That doesn’t make me a lesbian at age eight because I like so called boy things. My son likes to create and design clothes for his elaborate plays, he has scripts and wants to write books. When the thing now is girl power movies and Princess out the wazoo and magazines in their store checkout are about women fashion not men what do you expect him to fantasize about, when he is bombarded by female empowerment and his mother is a strong influence? Yeah my son wants to be like me!!!!! I teach him why he can’t have babies. I remind him that his costumes can be great additions to plays. I don’t degrade him for wearing a skirt because we call it a kilt. His father is part Irish and we have studied togas. I know my baby boy wants to marry his female friend when he gets big so stop calling my son homosexual. He could be the next Alvin Alley, but not because you crushed his spirit. A mother can only build a young child up so much, I pray he will never be crushed.

He will have a long time to be suppressed and subdued. We discuss self control, but I want my son to be free. I hate that he can’t fully express himself because of what others think. I want to scream. I don’t want to yell, “so what if he’s gay” , because that reinforces what they think. Any suggestions?

So on my search for the right books in the library I stumbled upon “the cat in the hat” in latin, and Discovering languages in latin.  Although memorial press was my initial go to for Latin and rhetoric the library offered a free fun version with an extra I never thought was possible. Score!!!!!!

Therefore, the curriculum has spoken. Discovering languages series will be my language history source. They have all the roots of english language. Together with logic of english inspiration on how to teach spelling rules, the konos curriculum outline for unit study to integrate character education. Which I might add is hilarious that it was  the FIRST curriculum I found when searching about homeschooling. The circling back around is mighty these days. The big ideas for kids has brought the secular philosophy of religion in clear view, as well as a secular backbone to replace konos bible verse backbone. I am on fire with excitement. I have my music lesson source and found inexpensive portable keyboard and inexpensive violin. It includes music history too. I am blazing with excitement. Update: (I just found a live music school that is free!! They offer music discovery. Joyful noise…) Still on the fence about art. And I think my main for math and science will be Kahn academy and ck12 I had downloaded the books when my oldest was five. I repeat the circling back is serious. I watched a TedTalk about the creation of khan Academy and remembered why I wanted to use it in the first place.

I have come to the conclusion, after envisioning my future when my non-profit gets established; I need to get my holistic Heath veterinary degree from the same college I took classes for my holistic health practitioners degree before my divorce. This man is back in my life and I want to do a similar thing. I feel he has grown enough that we can make it work. It is so beautiful how things work out. I can’t wait for the new year. (I wrote this before he chopped up his ring finger). I am still certain things are better. We talked and cried, a real sincere break through occured. 

Doug lied to me to get the boys in trouble. I called him on his lie and instead of apologizing he called me dumb started throwing his axe body spray and caught the cord to the fan and proceeded to cut through his ring finger. How poetic after he keeps taking about marriage? He will never forget this moment moving forward. I hope he makes some serious changes for the better. I feel he got what he deserved. So many bad decisions. So many temper tantrums. It is time for him to grow up and be a real man. Not this lying sack of brat shit. Yes brat shit. He is a spoiled brat keeps calling me and still won’t be sincere in his apology. He apologized to get me to call the ambulance for him. All his talking and boasting. All that bravado. He thinks he is hot shit. He likes when people are afraid of him but that is not out of respect. That is misguided. I don’t want him to loose his finger the scares will remind him of his bad attitude lack of respect and bratty behavior.

Yes I am angry, no I am not going to keep him from his children. I wish he had not hurt himself so bad. I feel something this drastic had to take place for him to change. My talking, begging, pleading, and reasoning was not getting through fast enough. He is almost 50 and keeps defaulting to the adolescent stage of rebellion. I love him and want the best for him. He deserves to be happy. I don’t know why he refuses to make the changes on his own to keep the drama away. He had been doing well with others but not me. Now I think things will change.

Let me say hallelujah!!!!!!! I am down to 200lbs. The fabulous app and 8fit and my half my body weight in ounces of water of course I eliminated processed foods and excessive sugar. And I drink herbal tea blends. All those things have propelled my progress. I remember I was 218 lbs when I started tracking my weight loss. I was heavier then that like 260 lbs wow that is a lot. I stopped looking at the scale. Oh the walking everywhere. I don’t own a car. Exercise does help, although I have been sitting on my butt for a week with a sprained ankle so bad I can’t feel my toes and there is tingling up my calf.  I have all the best luck. The best part. I have no excuse for having work pile up. Grant applications get completed. Kids get to cuddle more and read more books with me. I come up with more money making ideas. Hazaah!!!!!

Short. Sweet. To the point. I lost weight. I am closer to my goal of being back to before babies weight. I will be a sexy and successful 40. Lol.

It has been two weeks again since my last post. I need to write three posts at a time it seems to be able to keep up and just publish once a week lol not going to happen every time. Currently obsessed with bullet journaling again. I rolled my ankle and two days later my phone just unfroze. I started this post on Wednesday. I rolled my ankle Thursday. So today on Friday. I discovered acapella again, mike Tompkins on YouTube is a beast. Lots of time in my tookus. He has provided the musical accompaniment and it is all my favs.

So I have gone back to making my planner! I designed a folding travelers notebook. I had been putting it off. Homeschool got in the way. Excuses, excuses. I didn’t want to sit on my but and make the prototype. Can’t walk!!!! No more EXECUSES. My oldest wanted to make it I had gotten the last of the supplies. So hey let’s do this.

For real this time I figured it out this year I have a real plan and the resources I know which strategies I am going to use and backs just in case. I feel comfortable proceeding with or without all the bells and whistles. So far we have been very organic or very unschoolie ha I made a new word. We wake up and go through our day and learn as the day flows. My oldest Lacks some common sense so we need a bit more structure to our routine so he can see a bit clearer why we do what we do how we do. My oldest is third grade age. He is not academically behind but as with any homeschooler there are gaps. I don’t run a leaking boat so we have patching to do. Once I patch the gaps in his scientific method I will be happy to be more lax. Lol yeah right he is getting older and I will blink and he will be in college with the discipline of a fly. I am grossly over exaggerating. But that is what homeschool mom’s do from time to time.

We have taken on the task of making sure our child learn how to learn efficiently and effectively in order to affect change in society and their own personal lives with as little stress as possible. I have the spiritual stuff down. With the book “build your own theology” in mind I have found great resources to implement teaching the boys to foster their own relationship, not just accept how I relate to god. I am looking forward to speech and debate on the topic in the future.

My philosophical approach makes this so easy. I go back and forth between what to call it in my planner, philosophy or theology heck mythology could be an option during some of our discussions. Needless to say I am a true traditionalist. I am a purist when it comes to classical education. They didn’t have the Bible when Plato and Socrates where walking the streets having discussions. Socrates was killed for swaying the minds of the youth away from the brand new “fad” lol of religion. Hello, every one was gnostic, polytheistic, pantheist or atheist. Just like now only now we added monotheism because pantheism, what is that? Smh. I have wavered my life between gnostic and pan theist I was monotheistic for a hot second then I realized it was confused pantheism. To find my community of spiritual peers I have settled on unitarian universalism. All roads (religions) lead to the same destination. Each path simple provides a different view. I chose the classical method because we are always asking questions I love Charlotte Mason ‘s approach because her lessons are short and touches on everything intently with purpose. We read a book have a conversation filled with questions. Do some copywriter of the good stuff and do a project spending a lot of time outside. Nathan loves to draw. I want to teach him a few techniques simply to enhance his output so he can mature in his appreciation. He doesn’t have to be Rembrandt I just want him to be able to put on the page what he sees in his mind and be pleased with the result on some level. I was watching a special feature on a spider man dvd and the cartoonist talked about how they were never fully happy with their work. I like how they are always Seeking to improve. I want that for my boys. And not in a negative way. Perfection is an illusion. Stagnation and death of spirit are very real. Phobe on friends telling her bicycle not to die. Pops into my mind. Lol if you stop growing then you are dying plain and simple. If you want to live a long time you must always be growing. That can’t be hard because there is a lot of information to attain.

Now for the quick change of gears. Still on homeschooling but back on the track have having it all figured out. Loop Scheduling. I like how all of the above can fit language arts. To include foreign language and Botany. How can I not teach Botany and herbalism I am a holistic health specialist. Now for the other subjects of math, science, art, and music. Loop schedule. Math games three times a week science three times a week art two times a week. Theory and practice one day appreciation the other. Show and tell on Friday or Saturday. Depending on the season summer we have baseball on Saturdays. We listen to music almost everyday but I need to be more intentional with the boys. I appreciate the tempo and the lyrics, I know exactly why I love the genre of music I love and the artists within it. I want my children to be able to do the same even if they stop liking te music I love. I have a feeling my youngest is going to love death medal lmao so three to four times a week we will be more intentional with our music. The third and fourth day will be the practice day when I get them enrolled in lessons or hah I forgot online free piano lessons I have buy keyboard on my list. The book Listful Thinking is epic I love it and her website is Amaze balls. Drop the mic on that one. Lol

One last shout out to Karen Cadera on Facebook who has created the best homeschool music curriculum to teach children piano. She offers free and paid courses. We participated in the summer siesta and the current free planet symphony in preparation for the total solar eclipse this coming Monday. http://bit.ly/SolarSystemSymphony
 

Waste not, want not…such a talent as community development and instigation of social change.

I have been participating in the shift network submit and online audio lecture series which focuses on social change in action. I want to make a difference and my mind and heart are in sync that I will make a difference and things have been calling in to place. I don’t want to squander this opportunity. I need to get my but in gear. I need to make a check list to make sure that I do what needs to be done. The universe isn’t going to Teleport me to where I want to go. My intent is to do something with an opportunity to progress. I found grants I just need to apply. I don’t need to have an established Nonprofit and I just want to improve my community for personal gain for another. I already have what I want and need I just have to apply. That is what I wanted from the universe. I am tired of sitting doing nothing so now I have things to do. And it will benefit more than just me. I also so an ad to get paid to travel and I have planned to do a lot of traveling. I just need to call.

This rant brought to you by reading, lmao I just looked for a physical book, I am listening to an audio book. Mind you on the same device I am writing this blog post. The book is entitled, breaking the habit of being yourself. It is an excellent book I recommend to anyone stuck in a rut and ready to move forward. In order to see change, you have to change the way you see. You have to change the way you be lol.

I have a lot of changes to make. I have to use my fabulous app and 8fit. Why exactly did I stop? The kids stopped. That is not a valid reason. I do like the idea of them exercising with me. I was glowing according to my friends when I was exercising. Lol for that on week. For shame, tsk tsk, I still do my other habits but the exercise has been shifted to just walking in the afternoon. It is different when I exercise in the morning. It isn’t a matter of cause an effect. I like to be active. I am an athlete. It makes my heart and mind in sync when I am moving. Swimming is my favorite. I love to see the water. I am going to go exercise. Happy manifesting your life.

It has been two weeks since my last post. I have been so busy it feels like only a week has passed. Wow that is crazy. My neighbors brought me down from my productive high. I had to come down to their level to let them know, I will not stop being myself. You can think I am crazy all you like, I know you think I am crazy for holding my son’s to a higher standard and keeping them accountable. They will be polite no matter your attitude and I will not teach them to stop speaking to people, if you chose not speak back so be it ignore me but I will not ignore you.

When I wrote the above on the twenty-eighth of july, I was so frazzled I forgot to publish it. Anyway it was not complete. But needs to be published. Now that the fog of anger has cleared I can add a bit more detail. My neighbors suck. I live in an apartment. I am surrounded by people who think I am crazy for homeschooling. I am crazy for allowing my son to wear his pencil pouch around his neck like a purse apparently, I could care less. Have you seen caught in the middle and the girl that has a bag so she can make stuff on the go? I support that initiative to be prepared to be that creative. Boy or girl. I am crazy for letting my son wear a dress. Back the truck up there what…. Their father is Irish I was teaching them about kilts and as a Segway into Togas to get back on track to nomads and pelt skins and simplicity to deficate in the woods while hunting during our volume one Story of the world study. Did they ask me any questions? Ha only wise men ask questions fools assume they know everything and judge without knowledge.

This particular neighbor talks about me to my neighbor below me off his balcony right next to me. He is a level of stupid I have never encountered before. I allowed him to borrow money so he could buy some groceries for his daughter. We all get food stamps, I rarely run out before the end of the month so why not. The fridge is full, just when you get yours pay me back…not even in full. Just pick up some milk bread or eggs when I need them on your way to the store. No rush. Somewhere in between he comes in my apartment and puts his hands on me. I wanted to drop him like the karate kid, but I kept cool and pushed him away and told him to get out. If I would have taken him down instead of trying not to embarrass him tings might have gone differently and it would have been way clearer. And he never would have asked me for the money.

When I finally asked for some milk and bread almost a month later a few days before I received my Ebt, he started to say something but then the boys did something and I had to go in the house without hearing him. He never came to my door so I just waited. Two weeks go by and nothing. I ask again this time I need eggs too and something else. He ignores me. I tell my ex and he talks to my neighbor. Still nothing. Now at this point I don’t know what was said. Apparently the boys father told my neighbor not to talk to me. I’m like so the heck what, you still owe me money. So I wrote him a note and put it on his door. He ignores that too. I message him on Facebook and in his stupidity tells the neighbors I messaged him on Facebook I must want to have sex and some other bs. This is outside where I can hear him. Seriously, how do you go from one to the other? I must back track a bit. He kept alluding to the fact he thought I was attractive. Fine OK, thanks I am not interested. I was simply being polite he apparently has no idea what that means. Being polite is not flirting. Saying hello how are you is not asking you to sleep with me. He is not well versed in body language I always Step back in my own door when he got close I stepped back away. I had my arms crossed and spoke frankly at times I thought too blunt and borderline rude. He would tell me about his ex, and I babysat his daughter, he told me about his search for work. I thought he was trying to be friends. I never said I was looking for a boyfriend. There was a number of red flags, but I was trying to give him a chance. After all everyone is not raised te same way. Nope he went full blown crazy.

The day before I had this screaming match with this fool I was telling my other neighbor about the last free concert up the street. We were talking and I didn’t know she was getting a ride from this fool. She had set her phone and water bottle on the trunk of his car while we talked. Just as I was finishing the conversation another neighbor came out to give her something while she was asking her daughter above for her charger. I was unfolding the boys scooters for our walk when this fool drives off with the stuff on the trunk I guess he wanted to be nosey as we did walk away from the car. I didn’t know he was in there. So I yell “there is a water bottle on your car!” He keeps on driving turns around and parks across the street. Up Hill mind you. Thank goodness the stuff didn’t fall off. So before the blow up I am already frustrated because my oldest is walking really slow and acting as if he is so feeble and tired. I say hello to my downstairs neighbor I have a whole other issue with. Her problem with me is fictitious as well. But hey at least she spoke to me in passing. Anyway. He directs this question to her. “If I am shot laying on the ground and I don’t fuck with you, you should just walk by me and leave me alone, right?” I looked at her as she looked up at him on the balcony. I couldn’t ignore the blatant stupidity in reference to me. I said that is so stupid. If you are that stupid you deserve to be shot. And walked in the house to put my groceries away. I was fine but that idiot just kept on with his ignorance and I was already upset. I can remember half of what was said in between. It was so absurd. Oh he threatened to have his sister come beat me up because he doesn’t hit woman. Lmao seriously what was she beating me up for, being polite!?  The next day a woman came to the community center where I was sitting in on my sons’ play rehearsal for their show today. She said she saw us arguing. I told he why and she laughed and said he tried to get some from her too. I know a lot of woman and this is the third intelligent woman who fell for a single man raising his daughter act and was thinking about it but is not going to do it. She said wow he is definitely not my type. If that was his sister too dang funny. Doubt she will be beating me up. I met this guy’s mother. Come on! He told me he had been to jail. Maybe there is something that messed him up there. The pint is my  neighbors are not all right.

But I am Golden in my Jill Scott voice.