Ok, I turned the phone on this morning at 845am it wasn’t plugged in mind you I had it charged fully and then turned off for the night. after my  few little activities using the device the battery died at 105pm. I plugged it in to charge at 115pm it is now 406pm and it is still not fully charged and I have to go get the boys from daycare soon. like in 25 minutes soon. so if this thing isn’t done charging I think I am simply going to have to invest in a new phone which sucks if the lighter port in the car worked i would gladdly just buy a car charger but at this point we need a new car. the dashboard panel gauges don’t work(meaning that the spedometor doesn’t work) the brake lights don’t work, no telling about my blinkers: which one is working, the radio clock resets or lags 2-3 hours every time i turn the car off. So no matter all the personalization if it doesnt get better when i test it out tomorrow with no app downloads and i figured out how to turn off or kill a few apps I am going to be skrewed. the only reason i bought this cheap phone is becuae 40 bucks was all i could afford.

and now at 410 pm the battery on the phone looks full but it doesnt say charge complete. arg

I have always thought about being a surrogate mother I love having babies. I love my two sons. the logical thing is that I would be doing it for the money. But now watching “having their baby” I definitely couldn’t imaging a closed adoption. I would have to have an open local adoption. I love breastfeeding and would be happy to pump and provide that to any baby that I would be surrogate for, but how many families would be willing to do that? I would love to have another baby and be around people that love and support me something i never had with my two kids. but having a third baby right now just wouldn’t work because I just couldn’t afford it.

I look at the women that had the babies and I am strong like the feminist single mother who gave up her twins to be a better mother to her first born son. I think i should have given up tony for adoption so I wouldnt have taken away from Nathan but then that is when I can say I idenify with the college student who logically had all the perfect reasons but as soon as she saw her first born daughter had to change her mind and sacrifice her planned life to incorporate this new bundle of joy. when i was pregnant with nathan I didn’t want children ever I like to sleep in late i am a binge drinking alcoholic and i was a smoker at the time. As soon as I saw his face the thought of giving him up was the furthest thing from my mind the drinking stopped the smoking stopped until he was two but that was short lived 3 months. now smokers piss me off.

So the thing i learned is that it is harder to give up that first child but every child after that is a little bit easier to give up. Although I would never give up tony at this point but I would never ever give up nathan. I sad truth but It is a reality. I don’t love nathan or tony any less then i love the other. but i am tired and hate that I can’t give them both the attention that i wish i could and know that i could do better if i only had one or if i was in a healthy relationship. 

Ok so there is a lot to talk about when it comes to my new phone. I purchased the Virgin Mobile Allcalt what ever it realy is Venture. A wonderful introduction to the android family. I love it. I am testing its batter life today since i bought it on the 5th of sept and recieved it on the 12th i had to remove all the photos from my old phone before i deactivated it. I didn’t finish emailing them until saturday at 1130pm. I started on wednesday afternoon so four days i was catatonic over my new phone. desparate to use the apps but I couldn’t activate it just yet. when i finally activated it on sunday morning at 1210am I was up until almost 2am trying to familiarize me self with its features and how to navigate this new platform. I am hooked now and have no idea how i functioned without it.

Ironically i am watching the new  show “revolution” OnDemand. the premise of the show is the world has lost electricity and it will never come back on. I want to know how that could be possible if the human body generates a low frequency of electricity. Considering that cars and airplanes stop working and the planes even fell out of the sky. DraMATIC yes but that is all and hey it is science fiction after all but i prefer something that can be a little bit closer to reality. it is perfect time to introduce this type of show with the pending y2k equivalent scared of the mayan calandar reset thingy. I have even heard a comercial say that the poles will shift and we will all float away. COme on this is crazy.

 I digress. the point of this post was to document what happened with my new phone since i turned it on this morning @845am

i posted to my two blogs through my phone I love that feature the best thing that has ever happened to me. I posted using the facebook app and the twitter app and through messaging to my second twitter accunt. I am a little scitso lol. I made one 1min 32sec phone call to my chiropractor and then i checked my voicemail. I had only 1 voicemail. while i was driving i started the safely go  app while i dropped the kids off at the daycare. I left the house at 920am with safely go running when i got in the car. i was back home at 10am i called the chiropractor in the daycare parking lot and then i stopped at the store and picked up some water. when i got home I checked facebook and then called my cousin on my house phone for 11 minutes now at 1136 i got the low battery alert. lets see when it cuts off i just checked m email on my phone another daily activity.

There has been so much going on I don’t know where to begin. Well My littlest son started walking at 8 months Yippy!!!!! he has scoliosis but i have it too and it is manageable. I just have to keep him exercising and get him a brace at 12 months or 18 months depends on his height I have been stretching him and experiencing him so it should be ok. My back was so bad I had to start physical therapy the curve in my back apparently got worse with this pregnancy. Nathan fell and hit his head but is fine Antony fell out of the pack and play but he is fine. scared me half to death but he is fine. life as a single mother sucks sometimes but they give me so much joy. to see their smiles to hear them call me mommy or in Tony’s case he just says ma ma. My ex calls when he feels like it he pays only 50 bucks a month in child support. I recently let a friend stay in my apt while i was gone and she stole my pots pans dishes kitchen utensils and linens some books my feng shui kit and my computer (that didn’t even work) and my external cd/dvd drive. The police are doing absolutely nothing and actually act as though they don’t care. but I am changing gears I am going into the adult webcam fetish industry. it pays a lot of money it seems.