They are laying on me I am in the captins shirt. I love my kids.

I couldn’t get the whole picture of my boys sleeping in the bed with me.

Background. I have hypothyroidism. I am currently clinically depressed because of the thyroid condition. I have physical symptoms that cause me to sweat uncontrolably with little exertion, muscle fatigue and weakness, overall fatigue, lack of desire to do any physical activity what-so-ever. I am a single mother of 2 boy under the age of 5. If laundry needs to be done there is no one else to do it but me. If groceries need to purchased there is no one else to do it but me. I do not own a car. I live on the 3rd floor of a building with no elevator and the building is located at the bottom of a steep hill. I have to take the stroller down (one trip), the clothes down (another trip) and my son down (another trip up and down) the stairs before I have to walk up the hill and almost 2 blocks to the bus stop just to get to my dad’s apartment where I can do laundry, go grocery shopping, and take a nap and eat for the day. (Mind you when I get back home I now have additional trips up the stairs to get the groceries in my apartment and then I have to put everything away).

11am I get up and start to mentally prepare myself for the day, gather the clothes and the boys eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich I made last night, while I take the many trips up and down the stairs. Thankfully my dad paid for a ride so instead of the stroller I take my sons’ car seats.

The driver begins to get mad at me because he didn’t clean out the back of his truck to accommodate my laundry and tells me that I shouldn’t let my laundry pile up like that. Now I am angry. If I were physically able to walk to the laundry or could afford a ride (because no on in my neighborhood does anything for free out of the goodness of their heart to help anyone in serious need) then I would wash weekly in stead of monthly or in this case after 2 or 3 months my brain is so foggy from my hypothyroid induce depression I honestly can’t remember when I last did laundry. All I know is there is nothing left for me to wear and there are no more clean towels other than paper towels.

We get to my dads and instead of following me to the laundry room he takes my clothes out of the back of his truck and leaves them there while he sits in his truck, while I take the rest of my clothes and put them in the machines. So instead of me being able to just drop the kids off with my dad allowing us to just go to the store I now have to take another trip to the parking lot to get the last of my clothes. I am now sweating heavily and running out of breathe and hands starting to shake as I get into the car rushing because he has somewhere to be at 1pm it is now 1145am. He doesn’t want to pull off until I put my seatbelt on, (it takes 2minutes to drive across the street to the store) we get to the store at 1159. My refridgerator is empty so I am shopping so I don’t have to come back for anything other than milk and eggs in another 2 weeks. My cart is over flowing I still forgot cheese singles. Oh well no grilled cheese this month. I get in line at 1231pm I get outside at 105pm well I tried. He yells at me again and complains he didn’t eat breakfast or take his medicine. As far as I am concerned he was paid enough money for the gas to go home and do that while I was in the store or should have done that before he came to pick me up shoot I haven’t eatten either and I am doing all this activitiy.

He takes me to my apartment so I can put the groceies away at least he helped bring them upstairs. I have a basket so it it was only three trips for him I pulled the heavy basket up he carried the two big cans of baked beans toilet paper bread eggs and fruit snaks and granola bars. It was a lot considering it took him two trips. And he did help me get the basket up the last two flights of stairs. I only put the frozens and parishables away the rest was left in the floor I had to tske the basket back for the laundry. We are back to my dads at 135pm shit that is goot time for a woman out of breathe. We even tried to load the laundry card so that I can wash the last 2 or 3 loads of laundry but the machine was broken in one place and the other landry placed was closed.  So I have done all this and can’t even finish all my laundry. We went over time and I had to give this asshole an extra 10 bucks which was supposed to be bus fair for my milk and eggs runs before my next monthly haul.

I get back to my dads with his little bit of groceries and he complains that It isn’t enough. I was supposed to get everything on his list out of my $324 in food stamps. His would have totalled ove $100. I have 2kids to feed they will not be going hungry. I don’t care if you only get breakfast food you live accross the street from the damn grocery store. You could ask Diane to get what you want for the price of a damn beer with cash and pray she doesn’t steal from you. I was going to go to the store but after I got the stuff out of the dryer I was done. I needed a nap. He hadn’t even fed the boys lunch so I made then peanut butter and jelly again and one for me too at 315pm. I laid down with Tony so we could both take our naps. I was so mad at my dad I didn’t want to go to the store for him but if it saved him some money then as his daughter I have to do it. I didn’t wake up until 730 Tony done got up and pooped. There are no more diapers. Crap I was ready to stay the night. Then I saw a bedbug on my pillow. Crap. I can’t take all my clothes home. I have to go now. Diane had already gone to the store for my dad at this point so let’s go. He had the nerve to yell at me to get out before I told him about the damn bedbugs. I put the bedbug killer down got my clean stuff left my dirty stuff and walked home. All I had for dinner was chips and salsa. The boys had chips and salsa and a whole bag of baked layes I was just too tired to cook. And today it is fucking raining and I need to get my clothes away from the bedbugs my car seats are still in my rides car.  

Now with all this I hope I made it clear why I had a dream that I was giving my dad a spanking for being an inconsiderate, selfish, brat. 🙂 today is going to suck because I am going to be anxious about bedbugs getting in my clothes.

I disagree with my doctors diagnosis and I am too tired and foggy minded to fight or argue. I hadan appointment yesterday for a well woman check up and depo shot. I left with a perscription for anti-depressants and no depo shot. Now that I am clear this morning as I am most mornings now I need to call and see if they forgot the depo on perpose or mistake. I firmly believe I have hypothyroidism. Let’s see why my thyroid was enlarged my last scan I have all the symptoms but I feel better when I get my depo shot but start to feel worse in the 3-4 weeks before my next shot. Depo is nothing more than hormones. What if I simply need hormone therapy not anti-depressants?

I don’t know what happened to Tony in his dream but he never wakes up fussing. Today he woke up went straight for my wedge heel shoes, got caught on Nathan’s palette onthe floor and wasn’t right all of 30 minutes until Nathan offered him some crackers. I was baffled Tony has never woken up fussing even when something goes wrong. Must have been one hell of a nightmare those shoes where calling his name.

random thought before i close my eyes to go to bed at 3 in the morning. it didnt get dark until almost 930pm it felt like to me it might have been 845 anywa besides the pointof factual precison sunset time. i imaged what life would be like if the earth’s crust shifte din such a wa thay ohio was in the area where alska is now. my hypothyroid already has me loosing das and a little alheimerist lol s not a wor dbut i feel lit time goes fast. two days in one since i nap once or twice during the day then it gets dark at a time it should be dark for hours already. i couldnt handle endless night or day. i wuld go truely bat shit crazy lol.

Who has ever heard of such a thing? Everyone with severe allergies. What causes the clear eye mucus? The fact you have blown your nose so much your nasal passages have swollen so much the drainage starts to come out of your eyes and ears. Disgusting thought, yes very much so, I was so happy it raned last night so now we can go outside and I might get sme relief from the blowing of my nose sneezing 100 times a day and itchy watery eyes s bad I rubbed them so raw i resorted to putting neosporin on them to keep the swelling down. the past few days i slept all of 8 hours. this is the worst it has been in my life. if hypothyroidism causes my allergies to be ten times worse i need this fixed now.

URGENT MISSING CHILD ALERT! Isiah Alexander, 11 of Ft Worth & Arria Wrigth, 16 of Fairfax, VA PLEASE RE-TWEET bit.ly/2ZcYs3 @BAM_FI http://twitter.com/#!/BaisdenLive/status/337285876004569088 > via Android Pro Widgets

Tony has truely earned his nickname “baby lump” he has started hoarding food in his cheeks like a chipmunk. Little lumpy cheeks. Gummies and chicken. Lol my baby lump. He almost fell asleep with a mouth full of gummies and got mad at me when i tried to get them out and when i did he didnt go back to sleep.

Well i got a real hands on opportunity to help someone start their own business. It only cost me 80 buck on advertising. I am helping with everything and they are offering full partnership.

I also took my welfare check and bought some nice pre-owner corprate convertible laptops. I could sell them all for 250 each they originally sold for 1900 but they are like 5 yrs old. In the projects they have kids that want ultrabooks but they cost like 2k. So a kid friendly convertibletablet for only 250 seems like a bargan i have 6 already interested. Please lord let this all pan out i and ready to move forward with my grand plans that require more money than i can get from grants and definately faster.