2019/11/12 at 4:56 am

My attic is my mind. thinking about the day and reflecting on the things i have done and want to do in the future are the only way i can go to sleep at night. I want to give my children the world and i need to make sure i bring my a game every day. no matter how sad and disappointed i may be. I want to give my children the best. they deserve to have what i had as a child. my parents messed up and left me with nothing. i refuse to leave my children with nothing.

#pickmyniche Alright so I am starting completely over from scratch. I went to a therapist yesterday and I sounded batcrap crazy. She called me a writer for the first time and it sounded weird. No one has ever called me that. I read an article that also called me a writer. I guess I have been writing for years. This blog is one example of my writing adventures. Starting at the age of 9 I wanted to a book about a king, but I never finished it. I had to go to summer school to learn how to learn how to comprehend what I was assigned to read. If I can’t understand what I have been reading so far how on earth can I read a book. I have a felling that was what I was yelling to myself at the age of nine. NOT! just making an excuse. The computer was in the living room and I hated sitting in the hard seat for long periods of time trying to cobble together a story. Eight pages was not a book. As I was aware of short stories, I wanted a novel. I have never been one to place reasonable attainable expectations on myself and I need to make that change right now. I started a five day class to start this blog on the road to making money. Day one. Pick your niche. ok that is a piece of cake. I talk about the same things all the time. they put a fire in my belly and make me spit fire, LOL in word form. 😛 Political Commentary: I swear people don’t know the constitution. I am very aware of the institutional and systemic racism. I am and educated minority in color and gender. I am marginalized even further because I am actually a native American mislabeled as African American. SMH Africans from Africa have an actual nationality and think it is rude to just be lumped into the arbitrary category. I say I know which nation tribes I am from but ridiculed because they are supposed to be all dead. SMH Or they all look white. OMG anyway Trump is a trigger. I told my friends and family he is a blessing and a curse. I can’t get mad at a child because I know they are a child. People waste a lot of energy getting mad at a man that is acting within his character. he is a narsassitic business man, why are you surprised he is acting that way? Ok So I am a minority and I am a republican!!. NO not Candace Owens Type of republican. I am a libertarian. I am in the middle I guess. People assume I am a democrat but the KKK are democrats and they mad minorities switch over via lynching’s. ENTER the explanation for systemic racism. yes the system is rigged against BLACK people. Laws are in place to keep them in a specific class. There are a few YouTube videos one on systemic racism and how America went from an honest we the people to a very real we the white rich people. there was another video I was going to reference but the brain fog has obscured my focus from the idea. My focus is to get some clarity on the issue as I hear things about the Hebrew Israelites and all these factions of black people when there is nothing good that can come from further divisions. First it was the dark verse light brown. now it is Native Americans verse Africans and those that are just plain American. I am very passionate about this topic as I homeschool my children and the coming elections. I have owned a business in the past and Republican’s and libertarians are all about doing for self. I am all for the democratic agenda as the system forces me to see benefits in the initiatives they put through because without them I would be homeless and childless. My foundation is true to heart republican Homeschooling and planning: Paul Ryan was a big influence in my decision to homeschool my children. I was going down the rabbit whole of finding my identity as a minority misnamed African American when I stumbled across a book the civil flag and the difference from the maritime flag indicating martial law. First thing that popped into my head why on earth didn’t I learn this in school I was an honor roll student graduated 11th in my class. I will not put my children through a system which did them such a disservice. jane Elliott and John Taylor Gatto fueled my desire to learn even more and get even more angry with the school system ok so I am black and know about racism it has gotten so deep it is an insult now. which lead me to my over all niche LIFESTYLE I am a single mother by choice after having been in an abusive relationship. I have three children by my abuser and want to have one more. if I were white would it have the same stigma since I also live in public housing? Black men systemically removed from the home. via drugs and welfare, THE STEREOTYPES THAT GO ALONG WITH IT. Think about all the assumptions that went through your head. black woman single living in public housing. How did I get into public housing.? What color is the father? why did I have three children with him? why do I want more by him? Do I live with him? I can answer these questions later. My daily life consist of making ends meet. Homeschooling my children and living the life I want within the strict parameters of being a republican while black. It took a long time for me to ask for help, but I watched a YouTube video last night in fact that said it so vividly that I can’t pull myself up by the bootstraps when I am in fact the boot. How do I live with a small budget, how will I get out of poverty, and feed my children a healthy vegetarian diet. My politics influence my decisions about healthcare I have three boys and one that is an active athlete, so I am friends with the ER staff. Before I changed my diet I was frequently in the doctors office and now that I don’t have any issues after changing my diet I want better health care that addresses diet and other holistic remedies as opposed to pharmaceutical cures. and have you listened to the side effects lists lately? The results of #pickmyniche are clear Lifestyle: And I will cover living as a crunchy black mom in the hood on my way out.

My friend invited me to a paint party. I think she knew before hand that I was a survivor of a domestic violence incident. Not entirely sure. Her incident was family new. So I was happy to support her. It has been a real crap show for her and I want her to know I am here to support her. 

There is so much going on, where do I begin? I have tried to start this blog a thousand times. I am all gong ho and then fall flat. I make recordings, create draft after draft and yet can’t publish. Life gets in the way. So much I want to document and talk about but then the wind gets knocked out of my sails and I am left adrift at sea. Smh. It is political season for a new president and I am so depressed about life I can’t keep up no matter how hard I truly try. 

I am always analyzing my brand and my name. it fits so many things but sticks to the 3 basics of self; mind, body, and spirit. in reference to my mind, I am always seeking to find deeper meaning in who I am and what is means to say “I am…”. Body is so important as it is my representation of the self in the world. My spirit if fulfilled by going to church as a unitarian universalist Shaman and my journey to that discovery and my peace of mind in attending a church even after years of not attending any church community at all.

I am getting caught up on all the presidential debates. I watch the libertarian debates to get reminded of what I really want from my government. I am all about freedom of choice. Freedom to choose whatever, not being pigeonholed at all. I want wars to stop, I don’t want a welfare state. I believe in the compassion of the people and the overall desire of people to do good in the world and not carry out evil. I want more people to home educate or get public education to get away from indoctrination and simply teach the facts. Leave religion to the parents. allow the children the right to choose. They already inherently want to follow what their parents teach them but parents have been indoctrinated to believe that they have no power and are inferior to all in authority or have more education than themselves. while a college education has become some expensive the average person trying to maintain good credit to stave off poverty can’t fathom buying a house and going to college. Home education is key or parents of public school settings be aware of what home education truly entails. Income tax is Voluntary. https://thefreedomarticles.com/income-tax-is-voluntary-says-irs-chief/ Taxation is theft and I can’t be scared to be put on yet another list. I am a minority and I am a woman and I am trying to be an influencer. I have been arrested and I have had my car impounded. I got it out with out paying a fee or fine. but My father died not to long after that and was exhausted. so now my family thinks it was a fluke and won’t listen to me. I bought bitcoin when it was cheap and I was going to use it to buy a house. I lost the stupid key. I hate depending on technology. I tried paper wallet but the dang thing got wet. so in that I learned the hard way to laminate paper wallet.

Today was named after a fraudulent fool. History shapes the way society grows and nurtures its children. Sadly, Columbus day created a group of adults who were surprised to learn that Natives still exist and live in concentration camps, better known as reservations. Sorry the balanced side of me needs to make a note that America is named after a fool as well as far as my research has found. Is Amerigo Vespucci really our nations namesake? wait a bunch of white people who immigrated to these lands attempted to steal land from the natives all with SPANISH money try to kick out the SPANISH speaking people? SMH As I become and adult reeling from historical discovery after discovery as I teach the truth to my children I am appalled by the inaccuracies presented during my formative years. how could I pledge allegiance to a lie? well I didn’t pledge allegiance to the history but to the ideals on which this country was founded the core of what I was being taught. like the bible teaching basic morality and integrity the details don’t have to be accurate to get the point across. BUT….AS A MINORITY, my whole life has been dictated by the laws created based on that false history. My reality and outrage are fueled by the lies I was told. While I discover the truth I can no longer be manipulated by the false narrative. I know that minorities are legally placed at a disadvantage. CHANGE THE LAWS it really is that simple. I digress which is why I want to invest in a program to help put my thoughts in order. Speare sounds good. Ha a speare to pierce through the literary fog that is the jumbled mass of words in my mind, the fog of thought blinding me from my articles true purpose. To day is indigenous peoples day not Columbus day. Columbus killed too many and is as deserving of a name das as Hitler in my opinion. Praise to the ancestors and those of the current nations struggling to maintain their culture in this toxic world. I wish that my ancestors hadn’t succumb to the pressure to fit in and separate, but survival is paramount. Their spirits live on through me. I am indigenous. My family is still divided on this matter apparently I can’t be a native American and an African American as if anyone in this country is pure blooded. There are far more mixed race people than pure nations. I am an American because I know that the noble tribes of the federation worked hard to help the settlers create a nation that I live in today. Sadly it is a far cry from the ideal but like my high school teacher, Mr. Brunelle, (rest in peace) said something like; ideas and governments are perfect on paper, humans mess them up.

b3 etc I am

balanced
benovolent
blessed
beloved
  pick three to be

studying the bible again i am seeing it with different, more open eyes. my work should not be OF the world but simply IN the world. i don’t want to be OF the world, i have always been set apart. i have been talking the talk but not walking the walk. i have been meandering around on the path of righteousness for lack of a better word. i mean well and now i mean to do well. it is my children that fuel this fire. i remember when i never wanted children why is that? why was i attracketed to women to which would not produce children? i tell you the world tryingto manipulate me againast my right path. i fear for my sons especially nathan i don’t care if he is attracted to men i care about his desire to father children. as i love men an women equally i value the natureal order of childbearing the way it was intended. now adoptoion should not go  without its place. but we are supposed to give birth to children. i am not oppoesed to abortion when itis placed in the proper context. a mentally unstable partent of who doens’t have prpoer familial support should not bring a child in the world with which to be food for the evils that dwel within the world.

words have so many meanings i must be mindful of the words in which i choose so as to not negelct the simple minded. that is why the bible was writen the way it was writen in shuch that even a child could understand. a year is so short in that of tiimes of god. i must study and reconcile the message of the buddah and that of the story of jessu. it si difficult to discern the call to believe so deeply in jesus. why believe in jesus and not god. jesus is an image of god ok so i can see the story of jesus and a means to love god directly. jesus can become a idol. no false idols above god. so then why send jesus? why confuse the love of god with the love of jesus. is it it for those of use to see past the idoloic nature of workshiping the man jesus in stead of god? a test that we need to go through. we are supposed to test all things to find the truth of god are we not. god forgives al sins when we repent. to be o f the world opposed to simply being in the world. ok so we live in the world and partake in someiong the thinkgs of the world to solidify our faith to journey on the path to the one true god. to truely teach our spirits to folow the awy fo god to be the godly peopl walking in the light of the source of god and be the light of the world . withought the light the world woudl be dark. wiithout the light we would surely ksucome to the darkness with all the tirals of the world.

jesus is the image of god not god. we can be like jesus in all ways . we can have a direct connection to god. to hear god directly and act as god directly to create as god created but not to create a universe. we are limited. by our bodies. and the earth. we are ound to the earth. but we can bring gods kindgom to the earth by our actions not our creations. through our thoughts

This bothered me so much it woke me up out of my sleep. What happened to treat others as you want to be treated? A young boy got hurt three different times in the community center yesterday once he fell and all the children laughed and no one offered to help him up or ask if he was ok. A second time he was hit in the head and again no one asked if he was ok, they just laughed. The third time he hit his head on a table while playing tag and the children playing with him laughed and kept running. SMH when did parents stop teaching compassion to their children? When did community centers stop reinforcing such teaching? I don’t expect teachers to teach everything that is what parents are supposed to do. When teachers are themselves bullied into a place where they ignore bad behavior and don’t encourage correction there is no more wonder in my mind why anxiety in children is so high nowadays and teen suicide is up. I am very disturbed and want to do something about it. Children are supposed to grow to their fullest potential in an environment where they can try new things free from ridicule. I watched as children in the theatre group were scared to do anything as simple as a silly dance for fear of being laughed at by the “cool kids”. when did children stop really being allowed to be children? They can’t grow to be confident if they are constantly laughed at over every single thing they do. I was laughed at as a child, but those children that laughed at me sometimes also encouraged me other times and helped me in others. I knew they were not out to get me. I know the children are not out to get other children on purpose but when it is constant a child can’t be so sure. Every child is laughed at SOMETIMES not ALL the time. There is a very large difference. No wonder why children don’t do anything except play basketball and rap that is what is “expected of them” from what they see on television. The only doctor I see is Ben Carson (not a fan due to the soundbites shared in the media which paint him as an embezzling fool) and he is no Dr. Martin Luther King (ironic how they only learn about him when it comes to civil rights) I don’t even know what they really learn about him in school these days but it can’t be much the way they treat their peers or Dr. Huxtable. I stopped watching television because there are no more positive role models anymore stemming from a wide variety of occupations. I feel like I am the only female engineer encouraging young girls to be engineers. I was excited to see the book series of female engineers in the library but all the kids are on the computers or using the free wifi on their phone. WHY do 9-year-olds need phones? they have crickets which allow children to call three numbers in case of emergency. no need for a full smartphone. The radiation is bad for young children why subject your child to such things? Character education needs to be taught somewhere. Children are not getting it from church because parents are not going. (eye roll) I might not have been going but I was still teaching it and my children went to church events. I don’t know what parents are teaching their children at home and I don’t think it is the place of a public facility to teach outright but they should encourage and correct bad behavior. I can’t believe society has fallen this far that everyone is scared to correct bad behavior. Politically correct my behind. Trying so hard not to hurt feelings while children are being damaged for lack of trying to encourage. Now I need to watch this again with a new perspective. https://youtu.be/wpGd5DZ_K5w The environment of these children, my children. are growing up is in fact far more hostile than when I was growing up. even atheists are welcome at UUA.org churches for the sake of the children being in an environment where they can experiment, learn, and grow in a safe place. Outside of the home where a child learns first, the church was second, to teach children how to respect and revere their elders, the community center third, to teach children how to relate to their peers and children of various ages from other schools at times. then came schools to teach a form of patriotism, or tribal mentality as it were when it comes to sports and academic competition. now it seems everything has been broken. You decided what to fix first.

This year is riddled with transitions and changes. I started a podcast, a new business venture with a family member, a new baby, a new home school curriculum addition (the kids love to participate), and a new lifestyle decision.

The podcast.

Balanced earth etc. Is my way of addressing social issues that get overlooked or propagandized. I am sick of the negative news when I see all the positive, especially surrounding minorities. The safest part of all I see my origins falling in to the traps of believing the lies despite their own experiences.

Instead of complaining I am shedding light and making a changes in the social news arena. I noticed some podcasts focus on the world, I don’t have the time or money so I am focusing on what I know best me. My podcast talks about me and my observations and I try to have discussions about how right or wrong those observations are from a philosophical perspective. Sociology is a passion of mine as I have always been fascinated by the why and how people do things. I have been reading books on self improvement and parenting, and noticing that no method is full proof. The only thing true grown hinges on is self-discipline.

Home education

Self-discipline leads me to the new homeschool curriculum and my knew eating habits. I have gone over my curriculum choices at length in past posts and I am sure since that is the largest part of my life I will always have updates. But for the most part I have added beast academy for sure, trail guide to world history with highlights secret agent club (I was so excited it reminds me of “where in the world is Carmen san diego”). Nancy Larson science and Starline press science they both go along with a large selection of books purchased from thriftbooks. Honestly, alone they are very sparse. I was disappointed with the content but happy with the organization. So as always it is my outline.

Nancy Larson has great add-ons, don’t get me wrong, but if you buy it with out a library of books and follow the video links out the box, I was not as impressed as I thought I would be. Rainbow resources is my new friend on the Starline Press package deal and the artistic pursuit art kits. Saved a bundle. Build your library and teach your child philosophy are still on the roster as solid book lists and outlines but I added the wildwood curriculum book list for logic books and games.

Diet

Now in order for me to be able to get through a homeschool day plus life, I need energy and food is fuel. So I need self-discipline in my diet even more so now that I am pregnant with my third child. Some who follow my blog will be like oh no not the ex husband or is it someone new? It is my ex husband. I will get in to it in detail later now I am focusing on self-discipline and I digress enough as is. I want to stay focused on my eating habits in this paragraph. Lol 🙂 As I mature I am more mindful of my habits and my body. I was cooking everyday eating healthy and was losing weight, getting compliments on my complexion and then boom!!! I lost energy sleeping more and gaining weight and pimples!! No no no no no. Not happening on my watch. Processed foods crept in first, then meat and fewer veggies. Next thing I know I was only eating chicken quarters and burgers with no veggies at all. I felt like crap. My size ten stopped fitting right and my swimsuit bust a seam. Smh. I was so close to being a complete vegetarian. I had moderation down. I was cooking daily from scratch with no problems. Then winter came all I wanted to do was stay warm in the house. I ordered my groceries instead of braving the snow without a car, mind you with a double stroller as my shopping cart of which I had to carry up three flights of stairs. Yeah that was not at the top of my list. I am still in need of food assistance, I don’t make a lot of money so healthy places don’t deliver healthy food. And you really wonder why poor people are fat and or unhealthy? I would love to order thrive market, and brandless, but they don’t heck can’t accept SNAP benefits. So my choices for food delivery are sparse when it comes to ordering healthy on a budget. And now it is April and it is snowing right this second as I type this post. It is a conspiracy I swear. Motivation for me to make my podcast and family smart home sales business a sucsess. Well with my income tax refund as always I paid my bills first and although I wanted to go to a homeschool convention and Disneyland with my oldest for his 9 th birthday, I rather pay Lyft to take us to the store in the snow and around town instead of walking as usual. It is really cold, and I loose my breath too easily as I get back into our routine.

I want to become a vegan, but will be happy with just chicken and fish for now. I need vegan cookbooks. But I spent so much on a washing machine and dryer and all my books and virtual assistant and domain names my lyft budget is crucial this summer with this weather as it is. YouTube is great but I need food lists for shopping, that keeps me on track. Shopping without a list is a big no no if I want to stay disciplined with my money.

New income stream

Thorpe development east is branching out into the sustainability field. My cousin has designed a compact, easy to transport container home option that is actually affordable for all. Customizable homes that cost between 16k and as much as 45k and that is the largest I can think of. I was at an abandoned home that was scheduled for a full remodel and the home is to be sold at 400k smh. I couldn’t afford that if I wanted to, I love my neighborhood. The only way to stay in it is to stay in public housing. Not cool at all. So I have a bee in my bonnet to get these homes in my neighborhood. I am running for board of trustees seat for my city to put a bug in the ear of all who will listen about his homes and my farmacy and farm fresh food delivery service. Creating new jobs oh just thought to partner with lyft they have Uber eats why not a lyft fresh food delivery. Ah so excited. I must go plan now.