My friend invited me to a paint party. I think she knew before hand that I was a survivor of a domestic violence incident. Not entirely sure. Her incident was family new. So I was happy to support her. It has been a real crap show for her and I want her to know I am here to support her. 

There is so much going on, where do I begin? I have tried to start this blog a thousand times. I am all gong ho and then fall flat. I make recordings, create draft after draft and yet can’t publish. Life gets in the way. So much I want to document and talk about but then the wind gets knocked out of my sails and I am left adrift at sea. Smh. It is political season for a new president and I am so depressed about life I can’t keep up no matter how hard I truly try. 

I am always analyzing my brand and my name. it fits so many things but sticks to the 3 basics of self; mind, body, and spirit. in reference to my mind, I am always seeking to find deeper meaning in who I am and what is means to say “I am…”. Body is so important as it is my representation of the self in the world. My spirit if fulfilled by going to church as a unitarian universalist Shaman and my journey to that discovery and my peace of mind in attending a church even after years of not attending any church community at all.

I am getting caught up on all the presidential debates. I watch the libertarian debates to get reminded of what I really want from my government. I am all about freedom of choice. Freedom to choose whatever, not being pigeonholed at all. I want wars to stop, I don’t want a welfare state. I believe in the compassion of the people and the overall desire of people to do good in the world and not carry out evil. I want more people to home educate or get public education to get away from indoctrination and simply teach the facts. Leave religion to the parents. allow the children the right to choose. They already inherently want to follow what their parents teach them but parents have been indoctrinated to believe that they have no power and are inferior to all in authority or have more education than themselves. while a college education has become some expensive the average person trying to maintain good credit to stave off poverty can’t fathom buying a house and going to college. Home education is key or parents of public school settings be aware of what home education truly entails. Income tax is Voluntary. https://thefreedomarticles.com/income-tax-is-voluntary-says-irs-chief/ Taxation is theft and I can’t be scared to be put on yet another list. I am a minority and I am a woman and I am trying to be an influencer. I have been arrested and I have had my car impounded. I got it out with out paying a fee or fine. but My father died not to long after that and was exhausted. so now my family thinks it was a fluke and won’t listen to me. I bought bitcoin when it was cheap and I was going to use it to buy a house. I lost the stupid key. I hate depending on technology. I tried paper wallet but the dang thing got wet. so in that I learned the hard way to laminate paper wallet.

Today was named after a fraudulent fool. History shapes the way society grows and nurtures its children. Sadly, Columbus day created a group of adults who were surprised to learn that Natives still exist and live in concentration camps, better known as reservations. Sorry the balanced side of me needs to make a note that America is named after a fool as well as far as my research has found. Is Amerigo Vespucci really our nations namesake? wait a bunch of white people who immigrated to these lands attempted to steal land from the natives all with SPANISH money try to kick out the SPANISH speaking people? SMH As I become and adult reeling from historical discovery after discovery as I teach the truth to my children I am appalled by the inaccuracies presented during my formative years. how could I pledge allegiance to a lie? well I didn’t pledge allegiance to the history but to the ideals on which this country was founded the core of what I was being taught. like the bible teaching basic morality and integrity the details don’t have to be accurate to get the point across. BUT….AS A MINORITY, my whole life has been dictated by the laws created based on that false history. My reality and outrage are fueled by the lies I was told. While I discover the truth I can no longer be manipulated by the false narrative. I know that minorities are legally placed at a disadvantage. CHANGE THE LAWS it really is that simple. I digress which is why I want to invest in a program to help put my thoughts in order. Speare sounds good. Ha a speare to pierce through the literary fog that is the jumbled mass of words in my mind, the fog of thought blinding me from my articles true purpose. To day is indigenous peoples day not Columbus day. Columbus killed too many and is as deserving of a name das as Hitler in my opinion. Praise to the ancestors and those of the current nations struggling to maintain their culture in this toxic world. I wish that my ancestors hadn’t succumb to the pressure to fit in and separate, but survival is paramount. Their spirits live on through me. I am indigenous. My family is still divided on this matter apparently I can’t be a native American and an African American as if anyone in this country is pure blooded. There are far more mixed race people than pure nations. I am an American because I know that the noble tribes of the federation worked hard to help the settlers create a nation that I live in today. Sadly it is a far cry from the ideal but like my high school teacher, Mr. Brunelle, (rest in peace) said something like; ideas and governments are perfect on paper, humans mess them up.

b3 etc I am

balanced
benovolent
blessed
beloved
  pick three to be

studying the bible again i am seeing it with different, more open eyes. my work should not be OF the world but simply IN the world. i don’t want to be OF the world, i have always been set apart. i have been talking the talk but not walking the walk. i have been meandering around on the path of righteousness for lack of a better word. i mean well and now i mean to do well. it is my children that fuel this fire. i remember when i never wanted children why is that? why was i attracketed to women to which would not produce children? i tell you the world tryingto manipulate me againast my right path. i fear for my sons especially nathan i don’t care if he is attracted to men i care about his desire to father children. as i love men an women equally i value the natureal order of childbearing the way it was intended. now adoptoion should not go  without its place. but we are supposed to give birth to children. i am not oppoesed to abortion when itis placed in the proper context. a mentally unstable partent of who doens’t have prpoer familial support should not bring a child in the world with which to be food for the evils that dwel within the world.

words have so many meanings i must be mindful of the words in which i choose so as to not negelct the simple minded. that is why the bible was writen the way it was writen in shuch that even a child could understand. a year is so short in that of tiimes of god. i must study and reconcile the message of the buddah and that of the story of jessu. it si difficult to discern the call to believe so deeply in jesus. why believe in jesus and not god. jesus is an image of god ok so i can see the story of jesus and a means to love god directly. jesus can become a idol. no false idols above god. so then why send jesus? why confuse the love of god with the love of jesus. is it it for those of use to see past the idoloic nature of workshiping the man jesus in stead of god? a test that we need to go through. we are supposed to test all things to find the truth of god are we not. god forgives al sins when we repent. to be o f the world opposed to simply being in the world. ok so we live in the world and partake in someiong the thinkgs of the world to solidify our faith to journey on the path to the one true god. to truely teach our spirits to folow the awy fo god to be the godly peopl walking in the light of the source of god and be the light of the world . withought the light the world woudl be dark. wiithout the light we would surely ksucome to the darkness with all the tirals of the world.

jesus is the image of god not god. we can be like jesus in all ways . we can have a direct connection to god. to hear god directly and act as god directly to create as god created but not to create a universe. we are limited. by our bodies. and the earth. we are ound to the earth. but we can bring gods kindgom to the earth by our actions not our creations. through our thoughts