i bring out the best in him he brings out the worst in me that can not be healthy. but the sex is great. the physical abuse has stopped. now what? the kids love him being around. i love him being around. still not healthy. how do i distance myself. how do i assert my independence not co-dependence from him? sex confuses things. i need a new lover. how do you do that without upsetting the children? i will work through these issues and try to find solustions. as this applies to a relationship with an older abuser with a critical illness. if your abuser is your age and healthy i strongly suggest cutting him off sexually, going out and finding a new partner. ask these questions to yourself.

does he make me feel safe? does he make my kids feel safe? is he emotionaly available as i need? if the answer is no and it has bee three months let him go.

why take advise from me? i am with my past abuser at this time. he is 16 years older then me. he is 50 and has cirrosis of the liver and is afraid of dying alone. i have studied psycology and know the signs. younger heathier abusers will not change as psycology dictates they just want to manipulate you for their own needs. older abusers dnt want to die alone and more willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish that end. why am i with him if i know this fact? short answer my two sons and sex. i am compartmentaizing. i know how to separate love and lust. four years without sex can make you desarate. i have settled. do you want to settle? i really hope not. i hope you are strong enough to know your worth and leave him alone.

i am still activly seeking a long term partner and he knows and understands but there is a lot of foundation work that took place to get to that understanding. i will try to recap in future posts.

The boys’ father has made a return to our lives and has turned everything upside down. He is turning fifty and found out he has cirrhosis of the liver. Yeah he had a change of heart and he actually apologized without being asked. I was depressed for a while after my father died at the beginning of the year. My apartment was in disarray, and after one phone call of e crying to him he actually showed up and helped me. I cried for two days after he left. You think after 4 years I would have hated him just the same you never forget the bad things but damn it he reminded me why I fell in love with his dumb ass. LOL I guess him getting sick made him realized a few things about what is important. We got into a fight this weekend but it  was different he talked not yelled. I know my head is telling me don’t trust him and our relationship will never be the same but my sons know that their father can’t stay here long term but at least he is in their lives now. #littleblessings